With all the animosity toward the United State in various parts of the world, I wonder if we might be sending the wrong ambassadors. If I were responsible for dealing with our critics, I’d start by reading the February issue of Fortune magazine. It teaches us better ways to conquer our enemies than by sending out unmanned drones to kill civilians. Given the information these articles provide, I’d change foreign policy completely. My plan would be to subsidize fast food franchises, sending out McDonald drive-ins to unfriendly places so that we could win the hearts of our enemies with happy meals and clog their arteries at the same time.
I admit, as does Beth Kowitt in her essay about exported cheese cake, “There is something a bit odd about spreading this part of American culture around the world – the desserts, the burgers, the hefty portions.” (“The Mystery Company Importing Americana to the Middle East” Fortune 2/13 pg. 96) But I say hot dogs with chili can win us more converts than speeches at the United Nations and maybe leave a little heartburn behind.
Another writer, Mina Kimes, wants to alert us to the coming invasion of Chinese tourists. Well, they’ve been invading our internet for years. Why not open our doors wider. Let the Chinese pour in with their money and their curiosity. The strategy would help our balance of trade and send those tourists home worrying more about obesity than political ideology. (“The Chinese Are Coming!” by Mina Kimes, Ibid, pgs. 101-107).
I admire Hillary Clinton and John Kerry, both worthy representatives of our way of life. But the hamburger may prove to be a more effective ambassador. I suggest we conquer the world with an army of junk food.
(Courtesy of szbrighittaphotography.hu)
